This is incredible. My teen daughter asked me the other day, is it hard to see X pastor when you go to church? (I do go to the church where I stepped down from leadership once or twice a month, just for my teens who are connected to people there who care for and invest in them and aren't harming them.) Although I have had some conversations about it, I was surprised she asked. And it hit me for the first time that I was okay. Despite the fact this pastor says hi to me, I don't need his approval anymore and I think I can be myself even when near him. He hasn't tried to meet with me (nor I him) in a couple years. But after all the challenge and pain....I found myself surprised I could honestly say I was alright.
I really resonated with how you said you don't need him to change/heal for you. And that you don't long to be in the spaces where you were excluded. I think for me, that last part has a major factor in this. Thank you for sharing. It is so hopeful to hear your other-side with such a traumatic anniversary! (This is the trauma anniversary week for me too, but for different reasons).
I like what you said, and I get the “I don’t need you to heal” but what I’m struggling with is what to do with my “but I do need you to stop harming others”.
It's kind of more than "I need you to stop harming others," and more like, "God requires that you stop harming others."
The problem is that we can't control what people do. All we can control is how we respond, how we speak, and how much we continue to engage them if they continue to harm us. In my case, being faithful was speaking up and using my voice in the ways I was able. All I could do was tell the truth and give myself space to heal. I couldn't convince others to hear or believe me. But I could continue to believe in myself.
About a year and a half after I left my former church, many other people in that church came forward with abuse allegations against another leader there. I hated that anyone was harmed. I lament that they were harmed, but I know that the guilt didn't lie with me as I had been unwavering in my commitment to speak the truth.
This is incredible. My teen daughter asked me the other day, is it hard to see X pastor when you go to church? (I do go to the church where I stepped down from leadership once or twice a month, just for my teens who are connected to people there who care for and invest in them and aren't harming them.) Although I have had some conversations about it, I was surprised she asked. And it hit me for the first time that I was okay. Despite the fact this pastor says hi to me, I don't need his approval anymore and I think I can be myself even when near him. He hasn't tried to meet with me (nor I him) in a couple years. But after all the challenge and pain....I found myself surprised I could honestly say I was alright.
I really resonated with how you said you don't need him to change/heal for you. And that you don't long to be in the spaces where you were excluded. I think for me, that last part has a major factor in this. Thank you for sharing. It is so hopeful to hear your other-side with such a traumatic anniversary! (This is the trauma anniversary week for me too, but for different reasons).
This resonates with me. Thank you for sharing!
I'm so glad you get to narrate the audio book!
I am so pleased for you and excited for this project. You are loved.
I like what you said, and I get the “I don’t need you to heal” but what I’m struggling with is what to do with my “but I do need you to stop harming others”.
It's kind of more than "I need you to stop harming others," and more like, "God requires that you stop harming others."
The problem is that we can't control what people do. All we can control is how we respond, how we speak, and how much we continue to engage them if they continue to harm us. In my case, being faithful was speaking up and using my voice in the ways I was able. All I could do was tell the truth and give myself space to heal. I couldn't convince others to hear or believe me. But I could continue to believe in myself.
About a year and a half after I left my former church, many other people in that church came forward with abuse allegations against another leader there. I hated that anyone was harmed. I lament that they were harmed, but I know that the guilt didn't lie with me as I had been unwavering in my commitment to speak the truth.